Let me start by saying, I am not here by choice but am being to embrace it more and more each day. This started about a month ago (actually four years ago when i moved in with mike). About a month ago I was so confused about where i wanted to be and how i was gonna get there. my relationship had me overly messed up and i was doing down, down, down at work. I told my boss about mental and emotional problems at home. He suggested a program through work that gives me three free visit with a therapist. Suffering for years with depression, this is something i knew i needed. I started seeing Tiana and by the end of our first session I knew what i needed to do. but i didn't, about two weeks ago, i was trying to make mike work on our relationship when he said, "why don't you see its over?" that's all it took to make it click. i had to leave and soon. i know how mike works and when he makes up his mind, no one can change it. Fine, i found an apartment and started packing. we told the girls together and they are so far fine with it. five more days of packing and i am out.
During this time i have develop what i think is an ulcer. i have horrible stomachaches and don't want to be home. i have been spending most of my time at my parents, shopping or going to doctors appointments, including three trips to the hospital.
I just cant wait to be gone now. i have realized even though i care about mike, i can not fix him and faced the fact that i don't want to, anymore. he has issues showing he cares and opening up. he strongly disagrees but i have tried so hard to fix him, i have let myself break. That is why i am starting over in area i can, including blogging.
Not possible i love the name but it is, what it is.
So here's to tonight!
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