Some days i feel wonderful, my life completely in the arms of God and at total peace. then the 13th my best friends dad died. i fell asleep and had left my phone in the living and did not find out until 3 am. i have been trying to juggle my friend, her pain, her baby, my babies, my life and everything else. I'm getting no support from my family and that is only salt to the wound. one week later, my ex uncles bar "the wooden nickel" burned to the ground. many mixed emotions about that, i did not like to go there because i made many mistakes in my life and too many had to do with that bar. on the other hand, this is my family's business, my cuz who died at 13 in 1994 was there alot when he was young and the bar was filled with family pictures and a memorial to Brad. in one way im devastated, other way I'm glad its gone. i have not drove out to see it yet but may do that tonight. Dave and i spent many hours in that bars parking lot...i called his mom today and got his phone #. she told me he is still engaged to this horrible alcoholic. he lives in SC but this still hurt me. i ache to feel something other than sad. i know things could always be worse. i feel the devil call me to go out and just sleep with anyone to feel something other than sad and lonely. i know that will not help me in the long haul. i am trying to be strong, i really am. i need to cry in the arms of someone i love and trust and just be held. the only problem is there is no one in my life for this.
God send me a angel to get me through!
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